Ah, glorious day of not feeling nauseous! I feel like I've been sick so much since having Taylor. Taylor ate today, which she hadn't been most of the weekend since throwing up. She had two entire veggie sausages. The Little Gym was great, although I noticed that Taylor seemed to really have much more independence than the other children. I wondered if it was normal for her to have so little interest in joining us all in the circle for song time and other various activities. She really only wanted to participate in the activities that were very physical in nature, and to otherwise explore the gym, climbing and practicing walking on the low balance beam. I didn't mind that she wanted to do her own thing, I just didn't know if I should try to discourage it or just allow her to explore. I think she just doesn't like to be still. Sabrina had a different thought on it. She approached it from the thought that children need to be trained and that she would train Taylor to know when it was appropriate for her to explore, and when it wasn't. I agreed there, too. I guess I am conflicted. I just wonder if she's too young to really stifle her curiosity. Then I wonder if I am going to keep on telling myself that. I think, honestly, I should just trust my insticts. I think I will know when it is time to rein her in. ( I so almost put reign. lol) As for her little gym classes, I will definitely take the advice of the instructor; because today it worked. She said that if I ignore her exploring at the wrong times, she'll come to us when she sees we aren't paying attention to her. It seemed to work today. I know it won't always work; sometimes she'll just want to explore. But, it seemed unnatural to not encourage her to come to the group. Oddly, though, that is when she came. We ignored, and sung and she just came running up and stood next to the instructor, staring at her. It was strange, and somehow it made me feel better that she was there. I was also feeling a little uncomfortable, because she was just standing there staring at her. It made me worried that something was wrong with her. Does she have ADD? Does she have autism? I'm sure none of these things are true, but when your little one is odd girl out, and totally marching to the beat of some other random drum; you wonder. Then I realized, she is her own girl. She does have her own drums with her own beat. And I am here to help her learn to dance her best dance to that beat, whether that beat is in the circle or not.
I've felt a lot lately that Sabrina and I have really been connecting. I feel like our friendship is strengthening, growing. We are communicating more, and I feel like she's really opened up to me. I also feel like she's really, truly been there for me since Adam has left. I feel much more supported this deployment than the last. I also feel like I am much more vocal about my feelings. I am more vocal about my needs, and I think that Taylor's irresistable adorableness doesn't hurt. They are a great aunt and uncle, and babysit whenever they can or whenever I need help even if it's last minute meet-me-at-the-starbucks-on-the-side-of-the-highway, and come to her little gym classes even when hungover. I am truly lucky to have them as friends, although I consider them family more than friends.
I've been whining about how I can't get housework done, no time, sheer exhaustion at the end of the day, and Taylor running all over the place. I told Sabrina and Rylee that I was thinking of getting a woman to clean the house, you know, do a really good deep cleaning, for my birthday present from Adam. (lol, he didn't know that!) She actually said that she'd come over and help instead. She is willing to scrub my bathtub that hasn't been scrubbed since, gulp, I have no idea when. In my defense, I clean the toilet and sinks and lysol almost every other surface of the house pretty regularly. Well, most surfaces. Ok, so my housekeeping has definitely gone down hill since I've had Taylor...Since I was pregnant, and couldn't clean...Since Adam came home from Iraq and brought his stuff and messiness...ok fine. Since I didn't live with Sabrina anymore. I am not as clean as I thought. I'm not as bad as when Adam is here, but I just really can't even keep up anymore. I think I am trying more than normal, but between Taylor pulling everything out that I put away, and the animals, and working...ugh. I'm sick of myself complaining. Today I tackled a few things that have been driving me nuts since Adam came home from Iraq.
I love him, but men are different. Maybe he will understand this. I view the house the way he views the garage. He wants organization. He gets mad when I am the cause of disorganization in his garage. He sometimes blames me for disorganization in his garage unfairly. I clean his garage. This is all the same for the house. The drawer organizers in his tool box for each screwdriver to fit snugly into can be compared to a clean and organized linen closet. I now know that we have way too many extra towels. (Yet, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to throw them out?!) I also now know exactly where the ibuprofen is, and the ten bottles of sunscreen that we have because I could never find any and kept buying more. We have enough sunscreen to shield the entire Seattle metro area for an entire year. (which is less than one may think, considering the limited sun we get during the fall, winter and spring) I organized the drawers in the kitchen, throwing out six bags of dog treats and cat treats that are old and crusty and that the cat had somehow clawed into the bags of, spilling them into the drawers. I found a pork tenderloin left over from May 28 (yes, it's the end of September) that had fallen behind the drawers in the refrigerator. I threw away an entire trash bag of bathroom products that I don't use, need, or want- yet still had. I accomplished a lot. I put away all Taylor's summer clothes, to make room for the fall ones. It seems an ongoing, never ending task just to keep up with rotating her wardrobe properly. Between the changing seasons, and the fact that she grows out of things so quickly; I am constantly rotating clothing, shoes, socks.
How can someone so small have so much stuff? And be so much work? Oh, thank heaven for little girls....but not for all their stuff!!!!!
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