20Aug2009 - Day 14

So, I've decided that being without the person you love for a long time is like having chronic back pain. One day you're fine, and then bam!- the worst pain you've ever felt in your life hits you. No matter what you do, it doesn't go away. You can't do anything to obtain any relief. So, you push on. You work through the pain, because you can't go on living life from the bed or couch. You can't change a diaper, or have a picnic dinner in the backyard from the couch or the bed. But, you notice a difference in your picnic and your diaper changes. Maybe you can't do things the way you did before the pain. Maybe you have to adjust. It's not quite the same picnic it would have been before the pain. And it isn't like it goes away, or lessens in severity. You just get used to living with it. The picnic isn't quite as enjoyable. The diaper change seems that much more mundane and frustrating. If only there were no pain, it would have been the perfect picnic. Although, with physical pain, there are pills. Pain management. You can medicate that kind of pain, in a way that you can't for emotional pain. Not in the way I would ever want to anyway. They have pills, but really, I want to feel my life...pain and happiness. I don't want to numb it or dull it away so I walk around like a zombie. Besides, then I wouldn't enjoy that Taylor beckons to sit in my lap, just so she can jump right out...over and over. It's cute, her inner struggle for independence. Nope, I have to endure the beautiful baby at the bottom of the stairs calling out "daDA!" every other night, just so I can laugh when she gets herself stuck in the dog's cage, or tries (albeit unsuccessfully) to put the shoe back on that she insisted on pulling off. I have to embrace the menial task of taking Sadie out, chasing her all around, and being the only one to clean up her yuckies, so that I can hear that beautiful baby say "bye bye!" in her dainty and feminine, almost southern twanged voice. Without the pain, there is no exuberance and joy and happiness in life.
On a side note, I went to burger king tonight for dinner; and Taylor wanted no part whatsoever of her mini cheeseburger. She, instead, devoured a turkey hot dog, some french fries and chocolate milk. (which was the first time she had chocolate milk.) She loved it! My cute little beef-detesting baby. Her father would be so not proud. lol. I guess we can't all love steak. Funny, because when I was pregnant, I didn't want any meat the entire time. I didn't know there would be any correlation, but I guess there is. More steak for the rest of us!