So I'm catching up on "America's Got Talent" on my DVR, and it's an episode with performances, and one in particular caught my eye...The Diva League. It's a troupe of lip-synching drag queens. I don't know what it is, but there is something oddly and completely comfortable about a pack of middle aged, two hundred pound plus men lip synching and dancing to "Disturbia" by Rhianna. I don't know if it's the sheer obsurdity of the overweight, overmake-up'ed, over leather-clad sight of it all or the fact that you really can't help but feel completely comfortable. The idea is not the most wholesome thing, but it surely isn't something that I would freak out about Taylor seeing. In fact, she'd love the dancing and probably start dancing too. And even as an older child, it seems as though the questions wouldn't be hard ones to answer, or difficult answers to digest. Even a child understands playing dress up. And really, isn't that all it is? Possibly the most fun, entertaining, strange, hilarious dress up show there is. Who can't help but enjoy the liberating nature of a giant hulking man in three pounds of makeup and 6 inch stilettos? No one ever has a bad time at a drag show. Gay, straight, man, woman...it's entertaining and fun and strange like seeing pictures of your parents before you knew them. It's a really odd experience. Imagining who they were before there was you is uncomfortable, but you know that they were someone before they were your parents.
And thinking about me before her, I'm sure the pictures will be just as foreign to her as my parents are to me. I can't wait to hear the "no way you did that mom!" and "dad would never say or do that!" or "you guys were so not that fun!" She'll think that she's the only one that's done everything she's done. She'll discover led zeppelin, tupac, hair dye, and drag queens. She'll read Judy Blume and swear it was written for her, or just KNOW that the boy in her 6th grade science that doesn't know she even exists is....the one.
Yesterday, Rylee and I saw a tanktop that was lumberjack plaid but it was purple and black and shiny and made for a teen girl. It was hideous, and ugly and I'd seen something like it on like three other girls walking around the mall. I commented about the ugliness of it, and Rylee asked me "what would you do if Taylor wanted to wear it?" I had to think for a second. As I thought, memories of deliberately ripped black tights, my mother's old army boots, and Marilyn Manson t shirts came flooding back...Before there was hot topic, before there was emo, before everyone wore black nail polish....I did it. It was ugly, and messy, and if only I'd have been able to do it with guidance. Not that I blame my mother for losing it when I came down the stairs with raccoon eyes and black lipstick, but I wonder what would have happened if she didn't lose it. If she'd had shown me how to look pretty and still have that gothy style. Not that I wish she had. I'd have found some other way to rebel against her, I'm sure. I'm glad I grew out of it, and proud I went through it. But we'd have fought a bit less. She knew that, in hindsight. So, after my pondering, I decided that I would do just that. I would support her. I would help her dye her hair so that it didn't have highlights that bled into one another, and try to steer her away from green because no matter what, green NEVER looks good. Perhaps a few appropriately placed peek-a-boo pink highlights would do the trick. This is what I told Rylee. I would help her to look pretty, and embrace her style. I think you can be pretty and have any style. Besides, in a year, she'll embrace some other style and cause. I think if she decides to be vegan, maybe we'll all help her to do that. Maybe her and I could learn some vegan recipes. I think I don't want to judge her.
If I've learned anything since moving out here, it's that there is a lot more art here. And it seems as though it's because of two things. It isn't as socially acceptable to be angry or loud or have a strong opinion and so one must express onesself somehow; and secondly because they can and are supported. There are a lot of, in my judgemental east coast suburban opinion, weird people out here. And you can really be anything you want, and there are people that will join a club and do it with you. Like riding a harley while eating chocolate and listening to polka? I'm sure there are at least a few others who do too. Like meeting with others at dawn to practice yoga while howling like a dog? There's probably a club for that, too.
Don't get me wrong, my parents did a great job. I think, though, that I may do this a little differently. We'll see, because Taylor could be Little Miss J Crew, too. Which, of course, would be equally as exciting. I think... I just can't wait to see who she is. I already know she's very smart, and I hope I can help foster that into greatness. Even if that greatness involves tattoos, purple hair, and a boy on a motorcycle.
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