Well, it has been awhile. I will go back in and fill in the missing (vacation) days as I can. I am seriously going through blog withdrawals!
I'll start again as though it wasn't like a hundred days since I've written. Although, even as I write that, I am finding it hard to do that.
Not to mention that I am easily being distracted by Shark Boy and Lava Girl on Disney channel...left on from when miss wubba mayter was awake.
That, and I am looking up holiday cookie recipes...Oh, thank heaven for foodnetwork.com. Here are a few examples of why christmastime is the best time:
eggnog pie, nutella tart, peppermint bark brownies, chocolate cloud cake, limoncello cheesecake squares...need I go on? Oh, an apparently you can make eggnog from scratch. hmm. you learn something every day! Perhaps, I will try it.
I've accomplished a lot of the typical holiday tasks...I have done most of the shopping, filled out and addressed all the cards, semi-decorated the house...with newly purchased decorations of course because I really have nothing considering we haven't had a christmas here in like five years. I think I've decided that Santa will be coming to Uncle Delmo and Sabrina's house this year, because I know that on christmas morning when we wake up at home it will be great for about five minutes and then I will get really lonely and rush us back over to the Delmos anyway. Besides, that way he can be downstairs to videotape her reaction for Adam.
Speaking of which, Adam now has skype and calls me from it. They have the internet in their rooms. I even get texts from him, which is him emailing me. He sends emails to my cell number with his skype. So now, I can send him the daily Taylor picture texts! It's much better for me now that I can communicate with him. I feel like I've let a lot of anger go about everything, and a lot of worry about our reunion. Being able to talk about our expectations and negotiate things with him now is much more stress relieving than having to do it all at once when he's here.
I am also trying to decide what sort of traditions I'd like to start this year for Taylor. We always got christmas eve jammies, and I love that; so I'll do that. I plan on baking a lot, too...just like my mother did. But no coconut strawberries or fudge. Those are her things. I'll have to come up with some of my own recipes. I will make a hearty breakfast for everyone on Christmas morning, complete with various recipes from all my moms. Other than that, I got nothin'. Next year, it will be easier with Adam here. Perhaps we'll have a certain family activity that we do on Christmas Day. Who knows. But, I am looking forward to having a christmasey home and also kind of sad that we won't be with the family.
Honestly, though, with Pepeir gone and everyone's plans all up in the air I don't know what kind of holiday celebrating they'll do. No one is making plans, not any concrete ones, anyway. I know they'll all end up getting together; but it's weird that it isn't a certain thing. I feel like a few of us are glue. A few of us are the planners, the bringer togethers. Without those around, it's very different. Am I glad to not be home on this first Pepeir-less holiday? In a guiltily admitted way, yes. It will definitely be tough, for everyone. Awkward, almost. Uncomfortable. But, I am also not glad to be gone. I feel like the family needs me, to help them come together. I always insist on big family celebrations, much to the supposed chagrin of everyone. I know that sometimes they don't mean it, and sometimes they are truly scrooge mcduck. But, I hope that they'll all find a way to get together this year, and maybe make a new tradition. Unfortunately, I think that the new tradition will be not getting together. We are spreading farther and farther away, and tensions are still high from the emotional strain and stress of the last few tough months. Perhaps, a break is even healthy for everyone to regain their desire to be a close family.
Who knows. It will all play out somehow. But, I will still send my little bit of cheer the way of the east coast...in the form of presents, of couse. And Taylor pictures.
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