1Oct2009 - Day 55

a few parts absolut apeach, a few parts simply orange juice w/mango, a few spritzs of whipped cream. ahhh, a peachy orangey creamy lovely ending to a pretty alright day. I thought about Adam a lot today. (dry your eyes, family members who can't read the blog without breaking out the costco pack of tissues) I miss him. But, I have to be honest. I am truly proud of myself. I don't feel depressed. In fact, perhaps since having Taylor, I feel more emotionally stable than in my whole life. I've always felt prone to depression, and been really lonely. But, since her, I feel like I am stronger. I am wiser. (lol- Instant yoda, just add baby?) It's strange, the almost instantaneous change I felt. Plus, I'm now in that special "I'm a mom" club. That one is taking some getting used to. When I am talking to people, particularly at work (guests or coworkers) and I say "my daughter" or hear someone say "I'm a mom" followed by some comment that only moms get to make, I have weird mixed reactions. Sometimes I am sheepish, sometimes I am proud, sometimes I am a touch self-conscious. (Mostly of the post mommy body.)
Tonight was great, with Taylor. When we got home, we had dinner. She ate a ton! She saw a pear on the counter, and before I'd even decided what to cook for dinner, was pointing to it and trying (albeit totally in vain) to reach for it on the counter. So, I peeled and cubed it for her; she'd walked to her high chair already and was attempting (also in vain) to climb up into it. (All of these things are firsts, by the way. She is truly learnind how to communicate her wants and needs more effectively than ever before.) I gave her a bowl of pear while I ate a 100 calorie bag of chocolate covered pretzels. We ate together, and she didn't even throw one piece on the floor. I thought she'd be full from all the soup and snacks she'd had at Darina's. (She said that Taylor had eaten a lot today.) I then gave her half a slice of peanut butter and grape jelly whole wheat toast. She housed it. I ate the other half. Then we each ate a slice of turkey bologna. Then I ate a string cheese, and she ate two bites of hers before she accidentally dropped it on the floor and Sadie quickly devoured it. Afterwards, we sat at the computer because I'd heard her say "dada" a few times tonight. I turned it on, and the background is of her and her daddy. She was thrilled. She pointed and smiled and said "dada" and "daddy" and "baby". It was moving. I was so excited. She knows her daddy, still. Most times that I show her pictures of him, I don't get much of a response (probably due to a short attention span) but this time she was enthralled! I turned on the dvd (still in the dvd drive of the computer) of her daddy reading her "Oh the places you'll go!" She smiled and giggled and paid attention almost half way through the book. (quite an achievement!) It's these types of things that really make the day, and the sacrafices we make, totally worth it.