Monday, August 31, 2009

31Aug2009 - Day25

Ah, I feel better about myself actually writing the blog on the right day. So the Little Gym class was so awesome today! I think Taylor's favorite activity is to walk. She got in there and was off! She really just wanted to walk around the gym the entire time. I had a blast. I was wondering what they would do with small children just learning to walk, and they really did impress me with the different number of activities that they did. I was most proud when the balls came out. Taylor walked right over, grabbed a ball and immediately took it and put it in the basketball hoop. We don't even have one of those. Nor do we watch basketball. She's destined for greatness. Such a genius. After the Little Gym, Taylor was exhausted. We went to Safeway, and Sabrina and Delmo got some stuff and then back to their house we all went. We had omlettes, and strawberries. By this time, Taylor was ridiculous. So, I, also exhausted, went upstairs with her and we took a nap. It was almost 12:45 when we fell asleep, and I woke up before her at 3! She didn't wake up until like 3:15!!! We had a snack, and packed up to come home.
At home, I tried to give her some chicken and string cheese for dinner; but she shared most of it with Sadie. It was such a beautiful day today, and considering her long nap, I thought a trip across the street to the park was in order. It's great, because they have a small 2-5 year old section for little wubbas. We went and played for an hour or so. She loves the slides. They have one that is two slides next to each other, so she and I can both slide down and I can hold her hand. It was super cool. My plan must've worked, because she was crankston hughes when we got home and went to bed about a 1/2 hour earlier than normal. Poor sleepy mayter. I'm glad, though, that she got a bunch of outdoor and exercise time today.
I knew there'd be a bunch of other moms, their silently judging eyes at the park, so I brought a banana and water with me. I was content and thinking I was beyond reproach until I realized that I didn't bring wipes to wipe hands before eating the banana and faces afterwards. Oh, well. Alas, I am not perfect suburban mommy. Just as good, because I wouldn't want Taylor to have to try to live up to that. lol

30Aug2009 - Day 24

Well, I am officially mad with myself. Last night, I went to bed without writing my blog or brushing my teeth. Nevermind it was 230am and we had our first Little Gym class at 915am. Yesterday, we went to breakfast with Rylee at IHOP. (I am obsessed) and then home to cook dinner for the Delmos. I made curried chicken with cauliflower. It was pretty good. Too spicy for the wubba, who cried, and reached out for me. I gave her some milk out of a big girl cup and she chugged it!
And of course, Adam had last called on Friday night after I'd gone to bed with my wicked awful headache. In transit, he had said. So didn't hear from him yesterday. We had a few drinks after dinner, and mostly talked about what we'd do with the money if we won the mega millions. I should play in order to win, though. I buy a ticket here and there; but not too often. Well, a lot of the family and friends wouldn't have to work if I won $333million.
Well, now I'm too excited to get to today's blog...so...

Saturday, August 29, 2009

29Aug2009 - Day 23

I'm thinking I may join C.A. Cupcakes Anonymous. I baked another "round" today. I think I've eaten 4. Even as I write this, I'm embarrassed. I can see all the judging looks as it's being read. Well, at least everyone will feel better about themselves knowing they didn't eat 4 cupcakes. On the upside, they were made with egg whites only. lol, who am I kidding? Rylee came over for dinner and we watched Twilight, and read People magazine. I just love our girl time. It was only ruined by Sadie's foul rotten tuna or rotten girl bits breath. It really smells as though she swallowed a tuna, and it never digested. And she doesn't breathe very lightly. It's more of a fat man that can't chew and breathe at once type of breathing. Plus, she kept farting on us.
The day of today was pretty good though. Try as I could to just let the house be messy and just relax and watch tv...I had to at least do dishes, laundry, clean the downstairs toilet and put away the clean laundry. I just can't relax with all that going on around me. And besides, who else would do it?
Even with that thrown in intermittently throughout the morning, it was still relaxing. It was gray and cool and raining, which is very comforting. It grows from annoying to expected to comforting and relaxing when you live in a place where there is so much rain. It's an excuse to hang out inside and not get dressed and lay on the couch. It was amazing though, because I was able to watch Taylor in full on destruction mode. I don't know how Darina's house is not totally torn apart when I get there every day. She can toss an entire room in less than 3 minutes. Now, she's learned how to open our dresser drawers. Thank goodness it wasn't as interesting as the laundry basket full of hangers. I'm also super grossed out by the fact that she keeps "eating" dog food. Rylee totally called it today, though. She only insists on going to the food because she gets my attention immediately. And we play the mommy-sits-taylor-down-and-taylor-stands-back-up game. At least, that's what I'm sure it is to her. So, tomorrow. I will totally ignore it every time (which will be torture) she goes to the dog bowl. What makes me think that Rylee is correct is that she never actually eats the dog food. She just puts it in her mouth and spits it out in my hand when I ask her to. What I can't quite understand is...well, a few things.
1. Why does she want my attention, literally ALL the time?
2. Why doesn't she get that I'm mad? 3-whatever. Why is it funny to her? Where is my mommy look that is supposed to work? Why doesn't yelling scare or intimidate her? Why doesn't NOT yelling scare or intimidate her? Why does she insist on fake eating dog food? Does she like the flavor? Would she eat it if she could chew it more easily? And I thought "no" was supposed to be one of her first few words. I think she has no clue what "no" means. She never listens to it, or attempts to say it. Instead, she says complicated two-syllable words like "outside"????!!!
This small person, who literally clings to my legs after 6:30pm every night, and who runs from me outside when I call her, and who can say "all done" when she's done eating, but usually chooses to throw food on the floor instead, is a total paradox and mystery to me. I don't get it at all. I need the handbook! WHY ISN'T THERE A HANDBOOK!!!!

Friday, August 28, 2009

28Aug2009 - Day 22

Worst headache of my life since it woke me up at 5:30 this morning. Going to bed. More about this tomorrow.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

27Aug2009 - Day 21

When it's really quiet in the house, and Taylor is asleep, and the monitor sensitivity is turned all the way up, I love it. I can hear her breathing. Full, deep, peaceful, totally asleep breaths. It brings me such piece of mind. I don't know if it's that she's totally asleep and safe. I don't know if it's that she is able to sleep so soundly, like how children do. Like how they sometimes just fall asleep in the living room on the floor, or can be carried around totally asleep. I don't know if it's thinking of all the little tiggers and puppies and playgrounds that I imagine her dreaming of.

The monotony of the every day is starting to wear on me. Nevermind, that this week I'm particularly sensitive. When Taylor goes to bed, there's nothing worthwhile. I do laundry, clean up a bit, watch tv, surf the internet, write my blog...but it's generally the same. There's nothing left to look at online. The shows just remind me that I'd rather not be sitting there watching them. I'm not a busy body, or extremely high energy. But I like to be busy. I liked having Adam here to talk to, joke with, even just to watch tv with. I remember thinking just before Adam left that I was excited about time alone. Now, it's become a sort of cloud hanging over my head and raining on me all day. It follows me around, and it's inescapable. Even when I am with friends, with Taylor, I know it will end and then it will be thursday night at 10:30pm and I'll be dog tired, with a headache from clenching my jaw together all day, and my cuticles will be so torn from chewing on them that they'll sting as I type. Just enough to remind me that they're not how they should be. Not enough to really hurt. More of an annoyance. But I can't let go and go to sleep. It's no relief anyway, lately. I wake up with stomach muscles feeling like I've been doing situps all night, legs like I've been running. I'm not sleeping well because I'm in knots, I'm in bigger knots because I'm not sleeping well. And then, it's 10:30pm on thursday night, and it's been another week. Nothing has happened. Nothing is different. I just sit wondering where my extraordinary has gone. I vowed to find a way every day, and today was extraordinary. But, I just can't see it anymore.
I'm almost obsessive in my thinking about the cruise. It's like, as long as I have that to look forward to, I will be ok. But, today was not extraordinary. I keep counting the ordinary days until my extraordinary cruise. I keep forgetting that today is the day I was waiting for. Today is the day I want to remember. Today was an extraordinary day! Today, I will remember that perfect breathing. That perfect breathing is truly extraordinary.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

26Aug2009 - Day 20

Well, I keep messing up the dates! This is the real August 26th. lol This explains always wishing people happy birthday on the wrong day!
A relatively uneventful day. Slow day at work, but Taylor was a blast today.
She's got a new word: "outside."
There's also a new video of her on youtube.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIPI3E34-v8
It's really long but has some pretty funny parts. Please don't judge our hungover butts. LOL We don't usually sit on the couch and get Taylor to dance like a monkey for us. Usually, I dance with her. We played a lot tonight. I found her tickle spot, and she liked to be tickled and when I stopped tickling her little belly, she'd put my hand back on her belly to tickle her some more. She's understanding so much, lately. I can tell her to come here, or walk inside the garage from the car, or to give something to someone and she does it.
Our cruise is getting closer, and as it nears I feel more and more excitement and anticipation but also more anxiety. I'm a little worried about bedtime, and I've been told that the front desk girls will offer babysitting when they aren't working for an hourly rate. But I'm so nervous about that. No one besides close friends, family and Darina has ever looked after her. I know that they'll only be hanging out in our room while she's sleeping; but I know I'll still be constantly checking on her. Still, I am excited. Especially because it will be really cool to have our private verrandah when we go through the glacier areas. I keep checking the weather for Juneau, AK and since mid July the 10 day forecast has been 60 degrees and raining. Ahh, just like home here in Washington in September.
I really miss Adam, today. I feel as though she's starting to learn so quickly. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up with telling him everything. I want so badly for him to be a part of our life, even if he is 9,000 miles away. So, we'll keep making videos and I'll keep blogging everything I can remember from the day!
We love you daddy! Night Night!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

26Aug2009 - Day 19

Today, Taylor drank from a glass for the first time by herself. No sippy top, no straw, just her two little hands wrapped around the glass and six little teeth clanging on the glass as she tried to eat the water from the glass at first. We spent the day at the Delmos, me recovering from my bottle of malibu last night, her just hangin' around doin with she does. I did leave to go get my hair done today, which made me feel about 3000% less stressed than I did beforehand. It always does. It feels good to take care of yourself and look good. I also weighed myself, and am at my pre-pregnancy weight! All my old jeans fit again! After my appointment, we napped and then ate leftover meatloaf, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and green beans from last night's dinner. Taylor has developed a fondness for cottage cheese, which totally reminds me of being little at my Pop-Pop's house. He always had cottage cheese and it was always yummy. It's one of those things that I really like but it never sounds good. But now that I now she loves it, I will buy it and we can eat it because it's good for us.
I am looking forward to spending Sunday nights with the Delmos starting next week because of Taylor's classes at the Little Gym. We'll definitely video tape them. I can't wait for us all to share football season together, and really yummy dinners, and the dogs can all play. It will definitely be a bright spot in a usually dreary, long, tough week. It was so nice not to be the one to do every single thing Taylor needed. It's also nice to be able to hand Taylor her pj's and tell her "give to aunt sabrina" and have her walk over and give them to her to put on her. I was so excited and proud that she understood me.
There was one bump in the road last night, though. Bedtime. For the first time every, bedtime was really rough. I tried to put her down and she started screaming crying like I've never heard before. I tried the leave and let her cry it out technique. She didn't seem to settle at all, so I went back up and should have listened at the door before I walked in because as I walked in, I saw she had totally calmed down in the 1/2 a minute it took me to walk upstairs. So I layed her down, and told her night night but as I left the crying was worse than ever. I went downstairs and stayed until even Delmo said I should try again. I was gonna stay downstairs because I'd made it worse; but I went back up. I picked her up right away, and right away she calmed a bit. She was visibly exhausted, though. So I held her and rocked her and kissed and soflty talked her to sleep. Every time she fell asleep, I'd try to set her in the playpen and she'd start to cry. So I laid her on the bed and laid next to her. She fell into dreamland, so I barracaded her in with pillows and moved her after we'd eaten dinner. Poor little wubba. She was so uncomfortable. I felt terrible. I'll need to make sure to at least stick to familiar routine things with her while we are there until she is comfortable sleeping there. It does make me a bit nervous about the cruise; but I will do my best to make my wubba happy.

Monday, August 24, 2009

24Aug2009 - Day 18

Drunken quotes as heard at 1$%3 195yth St

"my aioli is as big as a cinnabon cookie." - Kristy
Kristy to Sabrina; What is your address?
Sabrina: (insert correct address)
Kristy types totally wrong address. (see above)
Sabrina: Why did you ask me if you're gonna type the totally wrong address?

Delmo: Here's your boy, Kristy
Kristy: Who?
Delmo: Asher whatever the...
Kristy: That's your boy.
Delmo: Yeah, it is. He's drinkin' that fag pink shit.

Delmo, finally admitting it: "I AM FRENCH!"

Delmo to Kristy "WTF did u just slap my dog's ass?"

Delmo to Kristy and Sabrina (in regards to the infomercial about growing larger breasts) : "See, Look at that!"
Kristy: I don't need to see that, I see breasts every day!"
Delmo: But we are men!
Kristy: No, Delmo. There's just you.
Delmo, sullenly: Dammit Adam! Where are you man?!"

Sabrina needs contacts.
e o u y t l p g
e o u y t l p g

She thought that said "I thought you were someone who'd want to blog about your ideals." She likes the word "Ideals." LOL Love my woman.

Kristy to Sabrina (in response to her response to Delmo having "one time" to punch her (we are watching a Rhianna video, ugh weak chicks suck) "Woman I know how crazy you are." Sabrina said that if Delmo ever hit her, he better knock her out and run far away. And when she woke up she'd take his dog and skewer his carcass in the front lawn. We women are passionate.
I know it sounds really brutal, but honestly; we women are passionate about being treated with respect. And we expect our daughters to have the same expectations. How can they feel that they are worthy of pedestal treatment if we don't let them live that????
Honestly, it was much funnier when embibed an entire bottle of malibu and listening to eminem's angry hip-hop; but it really was funny.
you had to be there.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

23Aug2009 - Day 17

Ah, the dreaded eve before a dentist appointment. Ugh. It's been awhile. I'm a little nervous; it's a new dentist. We'll see. I hate the dentist. Probably because my memories of being a kid with braces were traumatic. Dr. Brenner's office was pretty kid friendly. It was him that made me nervous. He was medium sized, and very tan skinned with dark hair. He was really nice, but he had extremely severe acne pits on his face. As a fourth grader, it was scary to sit there with your mouth open-totally vulnerable to this person maneuvering in your mouth- poking, scraping, pulling, stretching...UGH! I used to have to put super duper vaseline on my lips as soon as I left, because he stretched my mouth out so badly that my lips split. It was bad. And looking back, he did nothing wrong at any time. I was just scared.
Simba, on a side note, is in full-on sunggle mode with me. He's in my lap, purring away, even letting me kiss the top of his soft, furry head. He's a fantastic cat, when not peeing on the carpet or furniture.
Oh, today was stressful at first. I feel so bad, because as Taylor, Riley and I were leaving IHOP from breakfast; Adam called. And it was literally as I had Taylor by the hand (trying her best to be everywhere but where I needed her), her pack on my back, my purse on my arm and was trying to pay at the counter; while still holding Taylor. Oh, it was too much at once. So I tried to talk, ended up talking all the way to the car, into the car (Riley had to talk to him while I strapped Taylor in), and driving to the Farmers Market (which totally sucked). It was so frustrating. The timing couldn't have been worse, and the delay between when he talked to when I heard him was so frustrating. Oh, I hate phone calls like that. I feel bad for being annoyed, and can't talk to him to finish the actual conversation.
On a plus note, Sabrina has really cute red dress shoes that I can borrow for the cruise! Yay, not spending money!!!
Well, off to pour over food & wine and food everyday to get some ideas for dinners. I'm taking dinner to the Delmos tomorrow, and we'll probably stay the night. I need a few good cocktails and some unwinding. Single mommy is hard; fun; but hard.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

22Aug2009 - Day 16

OMG. Something happened today that I only dream about. Godiva gave me free chocolate. All I had to do was sign over my soul, release all my credit cards into their control, and promise my 2nd born male. LOL Really, I joined some rewards club that gives you a free piece of chocolate each month. Oh, sweet perfection. So the mint chocolate truffle that I was about to pay $3 for was FREE!!!
It was really the best part of the shopping day today. I did also find Taylor formal shoes for the cruise. I've given up on the "both of us will wear red shoes" thing, and she'll be wearing pink. I still want red, but am having a difficult time finding a pair that really speak to me that aren't like $400. Every single pair that I like online, at least several hundred. One pair was even like $1,200. I'll just have to win the mega millions 252 million.
Tomorrow, Rylee and I are continuing our chickmance or girlmance and going to IHOP for breakfast because I saw a commercial for their new hawaiian pancakes and must go! Then we're off the the Puyallup Farmers Market, and then to Supermall. Banana Macadamia Nut pancakes- here I come! I've decided that the coat I bought for Taylor isn't really adequate. It's cute, but not waterproof, and let's face it. It rains every day here in the winter, and in Alaska, it will likely be raining the ENTIRE time we're there. So, a better and hopefully, not less cute jacket is in order.
Speaking of cute, two separate people today mistook my beautiful girl for a little boy. Yes, she had sky blue CAPRIS on. (boys don't wear those) and her shirt was white with a blue and green pattern, but it was flowers! And the sleeves were puffy and feminine! And she was wearing pink and purple tennis shoes and in a hot pink stroller!!! WTF. Obviously, not a boy. Poor girl. She just needs a touch more hair, or to wear one of the new barrettes I bought for her today. How insulting for them to assume she was a boy because she wasn't in pink. The poor girl. Good thing she has no idea what they were saying.
So, the Marc Ecko store in the Southcenter Mall has a DJ playing all the time in the window, and it's like techno/hip-hoppy. I'm walking Taylor around while Rylee is in Bare Escentuals getting made over and watching the stroller, and we walk by this store. Taylor stops, and starts to dance. It's so funny, I can't keep from laughing out loud at how cute it was for her to just be standing in the middle of a crowded mall walkway dancing to techno, as people just walked on by. She was so cute. If only we could all still be so blissfully unconcerned with what anyone else thought of us. If only we could all just stop and dance when we heard music we liked. If only we didn't care where that was, or who was watching, or if we were even good at it. She was inspired to move and so she moved. And she enjoyed every second of it. So I may have danced a touch with her. And I thoroughly enjoyed it, too. I know, though, that I would not have had the courage to do it by myself. Having her there dancing was totally an easy explanation of my behavior.
On a less impressive note, she also licked her shoes today in the car. And she thoroughly enjoyed that, too.
Oh, and she ate bits of her non-toxic crayons at dinner. Those, she did not enjoy.

Friday, August 21, 2009

21Aug2009 - Day 15

Ugh, super tired after a long week. Currently thinking about what I need to buy tomorrow during Rylee and my shopping trip. I have to return the stride rite shoes that mom and memeir sent to get bigger sizes, and get formal shoes for both Taylor and I; but I don't want to spend too much money tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment on Monday and a hair appointment on Tuesday. I don't know how much those will be, but I think it's time to put an end to the crazy blondeness of summer time. Definitely hating how severe my roots are. I have no other deep thoughts to share. Goodnight!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

20Aug2009 - Day 14

So, I've decided that being without the person you love for a long time is like having chronic back pain. One day you're fine, and then bam!- the worst pain you've ever felt in your life hits you. No matter what you do, it doesn't go away. You can't do anything to obtain any relief. So, you push on. You work through the pain, because you can't go on living life from the bed or couch. You can't change a diaper, or have a picnic dinner in the backyard from the couch or the bed. But, you notice a difference in your picnic and your diaper changes. Maybe you can't do things the way you did before the pain. Maybe you have to adjust. It's not quite the same picnic it would have been before the pain. And it isn't like it goes away, or lessens in severity. You just get used to living with it. The picnic isn't quite as enjoyable. The diaper change seems that much more mundane and frustrating. If only there were no pain, it would have been the perfect picnic. Although, with physical pain, there are pills. Pain management. You can medicate that kind of pain, in a way that you can't for emotional pain. Not in the way I would ever want to anyway. They have pills, but really, I want to feel my life...pain and happiness. I don't want to numb it or dull it away so I walk around like a zombie. Besides, then I wouldn't enjoy that Taylor beckons to sit in my lap, just so she can jump right out...over and over. It's cute, her inner struggle for independence. Nope, I have to endure the beautiful baby at the bottom of the stairs calling out "daDA!" every other night, just so I can laugh when she gets herself stuck in the dog's cage, or tries (albeit unsuccessfully) to put the shoe back on that she insisted on pulling off. I have to embrace the menial task of taking Sadie out, chasing her all around, and being the only one to clean up her yuckies, so that I can hear that beautiful baby say "bye bye!" in her dainty and feminine, almost southern twanged voice. Without the pain, there is no exuberance and joy and happiness in life.
On a side note, I went to burger king tonight for dinner; and Taylor wanted no part whatsoever of her mini cheeseburger. She, instead, devoured a turkey hot dog, some french fries and chocolate milk. (which was the first time she had chocolate milk.) She loved it! My cute little beef-detesting baby. Her father would be so not proud. lol. I guess we can't all love steak. Funny, because when I was pregnant, I didn't want any meat the entire time. I didn't know there would be any correlation, but I guess there is. More steak for the rest of us!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

19Aug2009 - Day 13

Ugh. Feels like day 4 trillion! So exhausted today. I think it's because of a few things:
1. It's 7:46 pm and still 96 degrees (and I haven't shaved my legs so I am not in shorts. ugh)
2. I found a new morning routine that seems to be more efficient and effective. See I was getting up at 730 or 745 or so when Taylor woke up. That meant that I had to get up, run down and let the dog out, come back in and get her breakfast and my coffee, take it upstairs, get her up and changed and dressed, get her situated in my room, get in the shower with multiple interruptions from curious eyes and hands reaching out into the water spray, and finish getting ready with her underfoot (literally, mostly) or trying to eat the french toast out of the bathroom trash that I threw away because it fell on the not-cleaned-as-often-as-I-should bathroom floor. Oh, it's so hectic and stressful. And we were always running late, and getting all our breakfast stuff, my coffee, and her downstairs, oh wait! Take Sadie out again, wipe Taylor down from playing in the dog cage and spilling dog water everywhere, attempt to load into the car without the animals escaping (which is tough when you have a 2' person who needs to hold hands to get down 3 steps)...ugh. It was so much that yesterday, when she crawled into the cage and spilled the water all over the place and ruined the food and pillow- I lost it. I screamed in the kitchen in frustration. It was more of a gutteral argh! noise. I knew something had to be done. It was totally normal for her to do this. And not her fault, and not worthy of such a reaction. I don't want to be angry stressed out mommy!
So, revamp.
Alarm set for 645, snoozed till 710. Showered, with Sadie locked in the bathroom so she couldn't poop on the hall carpet (she won't pee), got dressed, did hair and makeup. Peeked on the baby, who was waking up, took the dog out and got breakfast and coffee ready. Went and got baby up, dressed, and downstairs for breakfast. At 830, we had time for both of us to sit down at the table and eat breakfast. Oh, it was lovely. Still, it was hectic getting into the car; but having breakfast for the first time in awhile was nice. I wasn't starved to death at work.
Speaking of food, yesterday was just poor all around. Before I left for work, I put the stew beef, seasoning packet, onions, and water in the crock pot to make stroganoff (OMG the McCormick's seasoning slow cooker pack is unbelievable) and turned it on low and off we went. When I came home and opened the door, no aroma of succulent beef hit me. I went to the kitchen and discovered....I didn't plug it in. Ugh. Ruined, and thrown out. We ended up eating edamame, veggie riblets, and garlic and olive oil noodles. I was so mad. I had been looking forward to that all day. Just one of the many stupid things I've done lately. I'm sure due to the stress. I refuse to give in, though. If I can just discipline myself enough to get up on time, get ready first, get the coffee ready the night before, laundry done on Sunday (what will I do with that during football season!!!!), and remember to cook dinner....I'll survive. Thank goodness for the upcoming cruise. And, according to our packet (with an awesome carrying case, dividers and tons of info...oh, i love a good kit), we have a deluxe verrandah sweet so it includes 100 minutes of internet time in the internet room!!! Blog on, sister, blog on.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

18Aug2009 - Day 12

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

17Aug2009 - Day 11

So, last night after writing my blog, I went to take the trash and recyling down to the curb. This is where my terrifying, albeit humorous crisis began. I went through the garage, carefully closing the door from the garage to the house behind me so that Simba couldn't escape. (He doesn't seem to understand that he is an indoor cat.) I walk back upto the door, and low and behold. It's locked. Immediately, I am angry and terrified and in a complete state of "holy shit, what am i going to do?" shock. I know the front door is also locked. I am not wearing a bra. I don't have my keys. I don't have my phone. Without my phone, I don't even know Delmo and Sabrina's numbers. Not that they'd really have been able to do much. Neither of them is adept at breaking and entering. Over and over I tried to open the door by nudging, and I say nudging because it really hurt to do it too hard, the door open. Nada. I take a bobby pin out of my hair and try to pick the lock. Nada. I even lost the little plastic end bits in the lock. (great, something else to fix.) So I sit, on the steps from the door into the garage and try to figure out how to break into my own house. Sitting out in the garage was not an option. Taylor was asleep upstairs. A million thoughts run through my head. Is there anything in Adam's car? Could a neighbor help me somehow? My upstairs bedroom windows are open. Could a neighbor help me set up the giant stepladder and I could climb through one of those windows? I check Adam's car.
Nada. I take a flashlight (thank you adam for having one...not something I would have thought to have. But I should.) and go around to the only window on the bottom floor that opens. I know it's closed, because it's been pretty cold; but I feel like I could break in. Or at least, I could muscle it open and break the locking mechanism. (yah, right.) It's almost midnight, and I'm not wearing a bra and hadn't even showered yesterday, so asking a neighbor was the last thing I wanted to do.
The window is a sliding one, that locks automatically as it is closed. So I, flashlight in mouth, feeling as MacGyver as I could with no bra on and breaking into my own house, pry the screen off without damaging it. I then sigh as I see the window is closed and attempt to open it.
I don't know why but if I've ever been lucky, it was yesterday. I should have played the lottery. The window was shut, but not all the way. So it wasn't locked. It opened as easily as if I was opening it on a beautiful spring day. But it wasn't a beautiful spring day. It was midnight, and I was breaking into my own house. One problem remained. Actually getting into the window was presenting a challenge. The bottom of the window is slightly above my head, and so I had to go back and get our small stepladder to get into the window. Adam wanted to throw it away, and thank god I convinced him not to.
I am truly amazed at the series of events, and coincidences, and dare I say, pure luck in last night's events. It was definitely an eye opener to me. Learn phone numbers, or write them down and keep them out there or in the car. Hide a key. Close your windows thoroughly. All of this, and all I could think about was Taylor upstairs and how I needed to be there in the morning.
It's something that I must say shakes me to my core every single day. When I put her to bed every night, while she is drinking her bottle and drifting closer to dream land safely in my arms, I have mayter-mares. Taylor nightmares. Pure, terrifying fears. I don't know why it's then, or why it's daily; but I am so so scared of her being taken away I can hardly breathe sometimes. Taken away by a bad man, or hurt by a bad man, or hit by a car, or falling down the stairs, or choking on a bit of hot dog, or lately- falling off the cruise ship and drowning. Or honestly, just being unhappy or unsafe or me being able to protect her from all of these things every second of the day. In my entire life, I've never been so scared of anything. And believe me, a spider or two has given me a run for my money.
Am I crazy, I wonder sometimes. Do all moms have such a paranoia? I truly treasure her every second she is here. I feel like every moment is a gift, and I really hope that I can let go of some of this fear and that putting it on my blog will be therapeutic like it is to talk about how I feel about adam being gone.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

16Aug2009 - Day 10

So I'm catching up on "America's Got Talent" on my DVR, and it's an episode with performances, and one in particular caught my eye...The Diva League. It's a troupe of lip-synching drag queens. I don't know what it is, but there is something oddly and completely comfortable about a pack of middle aged, two hundred pound plus men lip synching and dancing to "Disturbia" by Rhianna. I don't know if it's the sheer obsurdity of the overweight, overmake-up'ed, over leather-clad sight of it all or the fact that you really can't help but feel completely comfortable. The idea is not the most wholesome thing, but it surely isn't something that I would freak out about Taylor seeing. In fact, she'd love the dancing and probably start dancing too. And even as an older child, it seems as though the questions wouldn't be hard ones to answer, or difficult answers to digest. Even a child understands playing dress up. And really, isn't that all it is? Possibly the most fun, entertaining, strange, hilarious dress up show there is. Who can't help but enjoy the liberating nature of a giant hulking man in three pounds of makeup and 6 inch stilettos? No one ever has a bad time at a drag show. Gay, straight, man, woman...it's entertaining and fun and strange like seeing pictures of your parents before you knew them. It's a really odd experience. Imagining who they were before there was you is uncomfortable, but you know that they were someone before they were your parents.
And thinking about me before her, I'm sure the pictures will be just as foreign to her as my parents are to me. I can't wait to hear the "no way you did that mom!" and "dad would never say or do that!" or "you guys were so not that fun!" She'll think that she's the only one that's done everything she's done. She'll discover led zeppelin, tupac, hair dye, and drag queens. She'll read Judy Blume and swear it was written for her, or just KNOW that the boy in her 6th grade science that doesn't know she even exists is....the one.
Yesterday, Rylee and I saw a tanktop that was lumberjack plaid but it was purple and black and shiny and made for a teen girl. It was hideous, and ugly and I'd seen something like it on like three other girls walking around the mall. I commented about the ugliness of it, and Rylee asked me "what would you do if Taylor wanted to wear it?" I had to think for a second. As I thought, memories of deliberately ripped black tights, my mother's old army boots, and Marilyn Manson t shirts came flooding back...Before there was hot topic, before there was emo, before everyone wore black nail polish....I did it. It was ugly, and messy, and if only I'd have been able to do it with guidance. Not that I blame my mother for losing it when I came down the stairs with raccoon eyes and black lipstick, but I wonder what would have happened if she didn't lose it. If she'd had shown me how to look pretty and still have that gothy style. Not that I wish she had. I'd have found some other way to rebel against her, I'm sure. I'm glad I grew out of it, and proud I went through it. But we'd have fought a bit less. She knew that, in hindsight. So, after my pondering, I decided that I would do just that. I would support her. I would help her dye her hair so that it didn't have highlights that bled into one another, and try to steer her away from green because no matter what, green NEVER looks good. Perhaps a few appropriately placed peek-a-boo pink highlights would do the trick. This is what I told Rylee. I would help her to look pretty, and embrace her style. I think you can be pretty and have any style. Besides, in a year, she'll embrace some other style and cause. I think if she decides to be vegan, maybe we'll all help her to do that. Maybe her and I could learn some vegan recipes. I think I don't want to judge her.
If I've learned anything since moving out here, it's that there is a lot more art here. And it seems as though it's because of two things. It isn't as socially acceptable to be angry or loud or have a strong opinion and so one must express onesself somehow; and secondly because they can and are supported. There are a lot of, in my judgemental east coast suburban opinion, weird people out here. And you can really be anything you want, and there are people that will join a club and do it with you. Like riding a harley while eating chocolate and listening to polka? I'm sure there are at least a few others who do too. Like meeting with others at dawn to practice yoga while howling like a dog? There's probably a club for that, too.
Don't get me wrong, my parents did a great job. I think, though, that I may do this a little differently. We'll see, because Taylor could be Little Miss J Crew, too. Which, of course, would be equally as exciting. I think... I just can't wait to see who she is. I already know she's very smart, and I hope I can help foster that into greatness. Even if that greatness involves tattoos, purple hair, and a boy on a motorcycle.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

15Aug2009 - Day 9

I wonder if, on day 364, I will be too excited that Adam is coming home to write a blog. Will I forget to write it because I am too busy hanging banners, printing out embarrassing t shirts, ironing Taylor's welcome-home-daddy-dress, or shaving my legs (lol)?
Today, Rylee and Taylor and I shopped all day. We went to BJ's for lunch, which was discounted and totalled $15 for the three of us (which Rylee bought, and I tipped). Then we spent 2 1/2 hours in Babies R Us. Can you imagine? And honestly, we barely spent any time in the clothes. (side note: concurrently looking on dsw.com while i write the blog...and i have the option to look at the pictures of the shoes in hd. really? seems a little ridiculous to me.) Anyway, it was great. As much as I miss Adam every single other moment of every other day, especially when Sadie is running around into the neighbors houses and things, shopping with Rylee has become the ultimate escape and indulgence. Never do either of us utter the words "are we done yet?" or "jesus, how long can you spend looking at bath toys?" or "i'll be across the street at best buy." We are true shoppers at heart. We treat it as it should be treated, as an art. We meticulously cover every inch of the store. Sometimes we are together, sometimes separate; but honestly, I have never met another woman that I truly feel so comfortable shopping with. Could it be possible to have a shopping soul friend? If so, we should don matching necklaces or whatever. And so, 9 hours later...we are leaving super mall (1/2 hour away from babies r us, we always seem to end up there). Even Taylor, with a few protests when she was hungry, is truly a shopping trooper. She sometimes is reachy mcgrabby with whatever is within her reach, but not most of the time. Sometimes we let her out to run around and walk a bit, carefully making sure no one stole her from us or that she got out of site. I think, though, that from now on I will bring food for Taylor. I can't take the hot dog on a stick or french fry thing any longer. I felt awful feeding her that crap. Even I didn't eat something that bad for me.
All this rapture, and I barely spent any actual money. We used Taylor's babies and toys r us gift cards there, and she got a popper to push around (which she thoroughly enjoyed testing in the store), a xylophone with the sticks (every kid needs both of those toys), little "neck wings" as they are called for her car seat; which are pillows that keep her from slumping over and looking like she has a broken neck when she falls asleep in the car, the cutest pair of boots that resemble uggs but don't cost ugggh prices, and a few other odds and ends. Then, at super mall, I had to return the adorable things mom and memeir got her for smaller sizes, and to be honest, I did possibly nab a few things I found a little more functional for our climate instead of some of their choices. I hated doing it the whole time, but I did it. They had gotten her some really cute overall type outfits, which I exchanged for outfits with more layers and hoods. Here in the winter it rarely gets cold enough to warrant a full on coat, but a fleece hoodie over a long sleeved shirt will suffice, and can be removed easily upon entering a warm car or house. Ahh, shopping.
I spent money, though, on a formal dress and cute little over-sweater for one of the formal nights on the cruise. It's a gorgeous gray dress with ivory polka dots and an ivory sweater. I plan on red shoes for her and I (my dress is black, ivory sweater) so that we coordinate for pictures. Ahh shopping! If only every day could be so relaxing and indulgent.

Friday, August 14, 2009

14Aug2009 - Day 8

Ah, the long awaited box-o-clothing-goodies has arrived from grammy and memeir. Everything is adorable, but Carter's size 18months is ridiculously big! I'll have to return for 12 months because there is NO way that is going to fit her anytime soon.
So Taylor had a blast with Uncle Delmo and Aunt Sabrina today. I swear the child eats like a teenage boy. Her belly all day has been like buddha. HUGE! I wonder if it's ok to let her eat so much. I guess it is if we are giving her stuff that's good for her, and not animal crackers and cupcakes all day. Delmo took a video of Taylor in their room dancing to techno while Sabrina was getting ready for work. It's great, and the end is the best part because she says "bye bye"!
Here is the link for it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz3Jut81dAg
it truly is adorable. So tomorrow is my weekly Rylee day! We are going to babies r us and toys r us to spend Taylor's gift cards, then to super mall to trade in her clothes for correct sizes. I'd also like to look for a formal dress or two for her for the cruise at the marshall's or burlington coat factory and get myself a jacket at eddie bauer.
The dog is stressing me to the max. She just requires so much attention and work and tonight the neighbor with the two weiner dogs was out with her dogs and sadie ran from me to them, then in the ladies house TWICE! and was running like a madwoman. She couldn't be stopped or caught. and I wasn't wearing a bra. Thank god it was dark, because....embarrassing! She's the nicest lady, and didn't care that sadie ran in but still...embarrassing! She refuses to come when I call at all now. I so need The Dog Whisperer. I wish I had time, and the know how and patience to train her correctly.
At least Taylor is good! It's definitely different, this deployment. I feel more settled and comfortable here, and have more friends this time. Plus, it really isn't bad when Taylor is awake. When she goes to sleep is when I struggle. And halfway through my work week because it's just hectic and difficult.
(side note: I totally want the Kings of Leon album. There's at least 3 songs on it that I really like, so I'm sold)
I am instant messaging with Jeremy via facebook as I write this blog. We're talking about music. I'm glad we have stuff in common. The chances of us not having stuff in common is pretty likely considering our age difference, but we're pretty close considering that fact. I am proud that he has good taste in music, which I take undue credit for. =)
Well, that's it for me. Turning in early tonight. Big day of shopping tomorrow!
Wubba!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

13Aug2009 - Day 7

And then there was rain....
If today was August, it sure felt just like October. Sixty degrees and raining. It was annoying, just because I didn't want summer to end just yet; but comforting because, well, it always rains here.
Talked to Adam this morning for the first time in a few days. Ahhh, it felt so good. It was like a big weight off of my shoulders just to talk to him. I mean, we only talked for like ten minutes; but they were definitely the best ten minutes of my day. I haven't been totally honest, with myself or on this blog, but it was a really rough first week. The weekend was fantastic, because I was so busy and possibly slightly exciting because it was like "yay girl time!" and I was in charge and had no one to worry about other than me and Taylor (who was with me). Then reality hit, and I realized this week that I had no one to worry about other than me and Taylor. =(
I miss all the text messages throughout the day. Even if there wasn't always a reply, I enjoyed updating adam about my day and being able to tell him all the stuff I found funny that I knew no one else would appreciate. I am eating food from work for the most part, which is disgustingly bad for me. I knew I would for awhile, but it has to end soon.
Work was soooo annoying. Our regional was there, with his boss so the managers were freaking out all day. There were all the secret manager conversations everywhere, and as always, it seems like when the big guys are there- everyone screws up. Servers were ringing things in wrong, the kitchen was making it all wrong, tables weren't being greeted, computer errors left and right...and there's me who totally screwed up too! I am the earliest person there, I arrive at ten to set up. So if there are to-go orders that are called in before eleven (when the to-go person arrives) I ring them in. One of our togo regulars is Rachel. She's super nice and always orders for her office and the tab is usually $200 something. On top of that, she tips really well. 30-40 dollars each time. I help her take it to the car, and always make sure it's ready as soon as she arrives. Well, today she ordered a party pack which includes like a full sheet pan of three different salads. I've never sold one of these to her, so I assumed dressing was in the salad as it is when people order it here. (plus, it looked like it was). Well, it wasn't and so Annette had to leave and go take her the dressings. UGH!
I felt so bad, because I so should have caught that. Well, I am human after all. Usually perfect, but alas. Not always.
Take notes, that may be the last time I say that. lol
Taylor was adorable at Darina's when I arrived. Eating nectarines. Darina had made her fresh squeezed juice with like ten different fruits today. She's so good to her; it makes me really happy that Taylor can have someone like that when I'm not around. It really takes a bit of stress out of things to know that I don't have to worry about her because Darina and even her kids (which are older kids) treat Taylor so well. They just love her. You can see it in the kids' eyes. It's definitely reciprocated, too. Taylor loves them and thoroughly enjoys being there.
She has new words today, too. She says bye bye. Over and over! It's adorable. When we left the commissary, I tried to get her to say it to the older asian ladies that do the bagging and she just stared at them. As soon as we were out of earshot, however, "bye bye!" lol. Of course.
I told her "bye bye" at home and she walked to the front door. It's amazing how quickly they learn. Everything is also "baby." Everyone and everything. Anything that looks like it might be for a baby is "baby!". Like the hooded towels with animals on them that she saw today, or Sadie (who is no longer puppa). And not only that, but she must kiss them all. I love that, though.
Football preseason started today. Go ravens! We beat miami like twenty something to single digits something. (27-9, I just checked). Michael Vick got picked up on a 3 year contract with Philly. Unbelievable. Pete Rose was banned from baseball for his illegal actions. Granted Vick wasn't fighting linebackers like Pete was betting on baseball; but what he did was truly dispicable. He should never be allowed to be in a position of being a role model for children EVER again. Or make the 12 million for the first year and 5 for the next that he's going to make. All of that should be made to be donated to saving dogs and cats or something. Delmo is hilarious already. He totally goes from a 2 to a 10 on the scale of enthusiasm, happiness, excitment, and fun when football starts. He hasn't text me in days; yet today I've been updated on football all night. Love it. Makes me laugh, but it's nice to get the texts. Plus, he's like my sports pages during the season. Didn't see the game? Delmo will update me. lol
Speaking of which, I just got two new texts. I'm sure it's Delmo.
Well, back to online shoe shopping for me. Can't wait to see how tomorrow goes with Delmo and Sabrina and Taylorsitting.
Goodnight.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

12Aug2009 - Day 6

Well, it's almost been a full week now. Today I am sad. It's day 3 of my work week (I know, big whoop 3 days in a row) and I am really tired. Mostly because I haven't been sleeping well. I'm just not used to sleeping alone anymore. Miss punky pants was especially hungry today according to Darina. She seemed to be wearing most of whatever she'd eaten, despite my making a show of putting her bib on when I left this morning. Needless to say, she wasn't wearing it when I arrived and was literally covered head to toe in food. I think tomorrow I will bring a few changes of clothes with me.
I took Taylor to the sushi-go-round for dinner. It was amusing. I ordered her an avocado, cucumber, cream cheese roll. Didn't really work at all, so I ended up picking it apart (which wasn't easy because the rice is really really sticky!) and giving it to her that way. She really didn't eat much, and spit out the tuna I gave her - so I made her a turkey hot dog when we got home.
I feel like I don't have anything introspective to say on the blog because I am so tired. All day long I've thought of what I wanted to add to tonight's blog; but alas, it all escapes me. Maybe I will start taking notes. lol.
The dog is ridiculous tonight, whining and whimpering for who knows what. She's been fed, and outside plenty. She whimpers, and I put her up here on my lap and she won't lay down and relax, then she jumps down just to whimper at me again. ugh!
Darina has an appointment on Friday, so Delmo is watching Taylor. I plan on bringing food, the pack and play, her highchair, and lots of toys. They should have fun, and it will be really nice for her to have some man time. She's practically surrounded by women ALL of the time!
Off to bed with this exhausted mommy!
Oh, p.s. I found the checkbook......in my sock drawer! I totally put it there before we left for maryland thinking it would be a safe spot. Why didn't I put it in the safe???? I was totally out of it trying to pack, though. Whatever. At least it wasn't stolen by some baggage handler in the airport who thought we had money! lol

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

11Aug2009 - Day 5

First day back to work after 3 days off, came home with a cranky wubba from daycare because she had no nap; frosted my cupcakes (think i accidentally frosted some of the lemon ones with peanut butter icing, we'll see what that tastes like), put the sleepy cuddly baby to bed, continued to watch disney channel (hannah montana is actually a cool show)(i like wizards of waverly place, too), and am now enjoying the jonas bros new song.
i am officially a mom. and a dork.
very tired now, must go to sleep.

Monday, August 10, 2009

10Aug2009- Day 4

Somehow I messed up the actual date of my blogs. Oh well.
Today started out on a rather funny note. Taylor, after eating all those strawberries last night, had another super full diatey and so it was leaking all over the sheets and jammies. So I removed everything, cleaned her up and realized that a bath was definitely in order. So I set the naked baby down to run around before her bath, laughing at her cute little naked butt running all over the place and laughed when she tried to climb (rather unsuccessfully) into the bathtub as it filled with water.
All of a sudden, as she is standing naked next to the bathrub, she pees. But this pee was different than any other pee before it. This pee was noticed by the pee-er. She stared down her leg, as pee puddled onto the floor, and wasn't just aware. She seemed truly upset. The look of shock and almost horror and fear, maybe embarrassment? made me laugh and immediately reassure her "it's ok!". I really thought she was about to cry from the look on her face. I don't have any idea what she was really thinking, or if she even knew she was making her leg and feet wet, but she certainly didn't seem happy about it.
Oh, how I love my prissy little baby girl. And I have to admit that today I realized I was guilty. I am guilty of girlifying her. I encourage her to play with her baby dolls, to be gentle and give everyone kisses and hugs, I put her in almost exclusively pink clothing, laugh and cater to her when she gets upset about dirty hands, and even cheer and praise her when she attempts to brush her hair. We even bought her a pretend kitchen. All of this, and I don't feel guilty. Secretly, while Daddy is away I am giddy with the amount of girly things I can get away with. She'll be practically in pageants when he returns (just kidding! unless she wants to of course...lol) At the same time, I don't want to limit her. I want to get her a tool bench, too. I want her to like to hang with daddy in the garage and hand him tools when he is home again. But, I guess while daddy is away; with barbies we will play!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

10Aug2009-Day 3

Ugh, so tired today after a long weekend!
Got up around the usual time today, and I decided to take Sadie out first and then go to the Wubba, who was definitely awake and making a few quiet noises. When I got in, she had peed so much it was all over the sheet! Upon closer inspection, and diaper changing....let's just say it was a wonder someone so small could contain so much pee and poop. Poor baby! We basically hung around downstairs all morning. I puttered away doing little things like laundry, dishes, and playing on the internet looking at ralph lauren's baby clothes on their website. (They're having a pretty good sale.) Mid-afternoon I decide (after eating my french toast cupcake for breakfast) to make cupcakes, because I'm sure I can do it better than what I'd eaten. lol. Sabrina calls in the middle of all this to see if we wanted to go to the dog park.
Of course, I say, because poor Sadie has done nothing but lay around sleeping and eating since her precious daddy left. i swear, i really think she's depressed! So I finish baking off the cupcakes and take them out on the wire rack to cool, get the wubba dressed and myself presentable and off we go!
It was super rainy and yucky and chilly this morning; but by the time we arrived to the dog park around 3ish it was gorgeous! Sunny, and warm with a breeze. Others had caught on, and there were dogs everywhere. Cute ones too! We arrived before the Delmos and so we go in, Taylor in stroller; Sadie on leash. I unleash Sadie, and she immediately runs off to make new friends. So I take Taylor out in her new fancy walking shoes to walk around. As soon as I have her standing up, a very friendly young yellow lab comes clumsily bouncing over and plants huge kisses all over her knocking her over as he jumps, giant paws to her miniature chest, to plant even more kisses on her. Poor thing. She fell, but was more annoyed with the dirt on her hands than anything else. She didn't cry or even whimper. I was so proud when the other puppy moms commented on that. I explained her experience with Dash, the overzealous with kisses chocolate lab that was soon to arrive with Aunt Sabrina and Uncle Delmo. So, needless to say- all puppies want to kiss on babies. I carried her for awhile after that.
I did eventually put her down to walk; but it was definitely a challenge to her novice skills. Between the uneven terrain, the dirt, the muddy patches, and the large patches of rocks and stones, I think she spent more time getting back up than she did walking. Well. No that really isn't fair. She did fall a few times, but honestly- she did really well considering she's only been walking for a few weeks. She really is her mommy's daughter though, as she absolutely hated when her hands got dirty from bracing herself when falling. Again, I was very proud that she was like me. All I hear is how much she looks like her daddy, so any trait I can pass on, I will do so gladly. Even if it's my stubbornness. (which I think she decided to inherit at bedtime tonight)
After the dog park, we went to Safeway for some fresh veggies to make Kabobs at the Delmos house for dinner, and I needed a few provisions. I was starving, so I bought a yogurt smoothie thing and we saw a few different new "baby yogurts"! They were organic etc. One was banana sweet potato, and the other a variety with peach and pear. I bought both. Upon arrival to the Delmos, I gave Taylor one of the peach ones. You would have thought it was liquid sugar the way she lapped it up! I think if she could have dove into the container, she would have. She was trying to take a bite from the spoon I was feeding her with even when I was using it to get the remnants off of her chin. I have rarely, if ever, seen her so excited about food. After that, she ate 5 fresh strawberries. She is a hungry wubba for sure.
Her greatest performance of the day came at bedtime though. I didn't have the pack and play, so I was going to give her her night night bottle and then barricade her with pillows on the bed. But, this would require her to fall asleep before I left the room, because otherwise she would stand straight up on the bed and try to walk off of the edge. So all is looking great, because she is falling asleep while drinking her bottle. Unfortunately, it doesn't stick. I try EVERYTHING! Finally, after forty minutes of me hiding in corner from view, and rocking her, and pretending to be asleep myself, woman arrives. I give up and go eat dinner, only to have her frolicking about grabbing at everything, not sitting still, standing on the couch and trying to walk off of the edge, eating bits but then spitting them out everywhere, laying down then getting up! Ugh. She was nonstop fighting this sleeping business.
Finally, Delmo finished eating and took her into his lap, like how he holds her when it's football sunday. Halleluyah! I finished eating, and then we came home. Of course, she fell asleep in the car and was so out that I was able to carry her up to her bed undisturbed.
Talking about her sleeping has made me sleepy. Except I have one last thing. I texted the Delmos to tell them about my blog, and delmo says "we were with you all day, why do we need an update?" lol. funny. jerk! =)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

9Aug2009 - Day 2

Alas, cupcake crawl is over.
To be honest, I don't know how anyone could really eat more than one cupcake in a day.
We went to Sugar Rush in West Seattle first, which was pretty cool. The neighborhood is accessible by the West Seattle bridge, and honestly it probably offers one of the best views of downtown around. The day was pretty chilly, mid 60s maybe and overcast. So we felt comfy in our layers of t shirts and sweaters. I am coming to believe that proper layering for Seattle weather is like chess. It's easy to learn; hard to master. It was definitely a typical Seattle neighborhood. The cupcake place was next door to a "natural" pet foods store. We couldn't resist, of course. I, for chewy balls for Sadie, Riley for cat toys, we strugglingto get the abnormally large and heavy wooden doors open enter, struck by the smell of dog food and leathery toys. No chewy dog balls, and in fact, a pretty lame selection of dog toys all around. Riley did find two little cat ball toys that had sparkly tinsel around them. They were apparently dual-purpose. We used them later in the Cheesecake Factory lobby, while waiting for a table to distract Taylor, who was fascinated but terrified of them and refused to touch them. Anyway, back to cupcakes.
Walking in, you'd never know they had cupcakes. It looked and smelled more like a coffee shop. I think there were even two names for the place. One had to do with cupcakes, the other with coffee. Weird, but not surprising. They had a lot of mini cupcakes which thrilled Riley and I because we didn't want to start the day off with a belly full of sugar. So I ordered a slice of bacon and cheese quiche, and she got a cupcake because she'd had cereal. The quiche itself was totally worth the drive. Taylor stayed in her stroller, reaching all the while (which is new and quite challenging when navigating tight spaces) for everything she could grasp. She loved the cupcakes and was crying out for more each bite she had. We tried to forego giving her the frosting so that she wouldn't be sick. Her cupcake was awesome. It was mini and had yellow cake, purple buttercream frosting and silver (YES SILVER!) sprinkles. They were all metallic and almost didn't look like you could eat them. I got a lemon something that was WAY too lemony and filled with lemon curd (which I love) but that made it a little too much. Riley also got a different lemon one, and hers was a little less tart. As we leave, we notice that there is another cupcake shop, Cupcake Royale, on the opposite corner. Really? Funny, too because that cupcake shop is on our list but in a different location. We debate going there now, but decide we are too full of cupcake and must utilize the ten to twenty minute drive downtown to gain motivation to eat more cupcakes.
The second spot we choose is Dahlia Bakery, because on the menu online there were also sandwiches. We decided we needed real food first before more cupcaking was to be done. Well, we park a few blocks away or so I thought. Turns out that fiveish city blocks are really much farther than fiveish suburban blocks- which I knew but had forgotten. Oh well, we figure we need the walk if we are to cupcake all day. So we trek, baby in stroller, backpack on back, anticipation of yummy sandwiches in our bellies to Dahlia Bakery. As we open the door, we are immediately struck by two things. 1. The entire shop is like 4'x4'. Boo. No tables to eat yummy sandwiches. 2. They have 2 different kinds of cupcakes, and they don't sound yummy. Green Tea something or other.....ugh. We, after getting stroller wheels stuck on the corners and probably a few pairs of ankles get back onto the sidewalk to regroup. The dissapointment hangs all over us, as does our growing hunger. I think at this point Taylor had already struck her rockstar-fingers-in-the-mouth-i'm-starving pose. So we decide to walk the few blocks to close to the next spot, which turns out to be in the middle of abandoned buildings, and apartments and no other restaurants. All we saw was a thai place. Doubtful we could find a decent bagel sandwich there. In we walk to Yellow Leaf cupcakes anyway. Then we see it! The tomato soup cupcake. Needless to say, neither of us were too interested in a savory cupcake, let alone, tomato soup. They did have one that was red, white, and blue and part of the proceeds benefitted a fallen troops charity. We smiled. I kind of felt like, even though we were without our troops and they were suffering ridiculous heat in the dessert, we were doing something good for them by being here at this cupcake place indulging our sweet tooths. Call it a rationalization if you want, we tipped into the charity jar, so we are good people. lol.
I got Delmo a carrot cake cupcake, and myself a french toast cupcake (which I'm sure Adam is laughing about because of my stubborn resistance to his french toast)(long story). We took them to go because we still wanted a real lunch.
Back we walked to where we started, but headed right towards the sound and Pike Place Market saturday-pandemonium. ugh. I suggest never ever going near there on the weekend. Too crazy. We saw a bagel place, so we made a beeline for it. I got a veggie burger bagel sandwich to share with Taylor; Riley got turkey and cream cheese. Taylor and I loved our veggie burger, and gracefully rebuked Rylee's (I keep spelling that wrong) ribs about how Taylor will become a veggie-tarian because I never feed her meat. So what if she eats Morningstar Farms veggie sausage patties and veggie broccoli cheese bites, and doesn't really even like chicken??? I try; but she doesn't like meat. She does love blue cheese, olives, mushrooms, and other weird earthy tasting foods though. She was born on the west coast.....makes sense, Adam, if you think about it. She's destined to be a hippie. lol
Anyway, back to cupcakes. So we then go back to the car and decide to drive to the next spot because it was way up almost on Capitol Hill (which is a huge ridiculous San Fran hill.) We get there around 1:30 and THEY'RE CLOSED! WTF! I was so pissed. We compose ourselves and head to Cupcake Royale, in the heart of capital hill. But, as we pull up to what seems to be the coolest looking cupcake joint we've seen, little miss punky-chunky falls asleep in her impossible-to-take-her-out-of-without-waking-her-up carseat. Of course. Literally, as I demonstrate my parallel parking skills to Rylee, almost at the very moment the car goes into park- her eyes closed. We were like "no!!!" (but quietly). We debated going one at a time; but then decided that would totally be no fun. So we totally sat there. I was like "Taylor, you ruined it!" and we laughed and decided that she did. But, we came for cupcakes, and nap be damned, we were gonna have em. We reasoned that we'd be quick and she could restart her nap because this was our last stop. So I get her out of her seat, and shocker! She didn't wake up! We went in, ordered, took our picture (we took one of both of us at each place) and got her back into her seat and she stayed asleep!!! It was so cool.
I was almost jealous. I wish I could just fall asleep whenever tired, and someone would carry me around everywhere. We decided to go to the stride rite store at southcenter mall after this, because that was the only stride rite in the metro area. So we head down, which gives Taylor a good half hour of nap time. We get there and park, and she wakes up as we arrive (as expected).
Now, shopping with Rylee is great. But, it's definitely not for the faint of heart. She is a pro, and I like it. We hit all the interesting stores, talk about how cheap some of the other ones are, and eventually meander over to stride rite. It's small, smells weird and is packed with kids and moms and literally ONE sales guy. Ugh. We look at the selection on the wall and then decide to head to Nordstroms, because they have stride rite and much better service; etc.
At Nordstrom's we run into one of Rylee's friends, who was really nice and they talk for awhile before we head upto children's shoes. The salesgirl was super friendly, albeit deathly and sickly skinny. She measures the wubba's foot and it's a whopping 4 1/2! The poor thing has been walking around in size 3 shoes. I'm a terrible mommy. So Taylor proceeds to pull all the brightly colored crocs (bleh!!!) off of the stand and run around with them while the salesgirl picks out a few pairs she thinks that we'll like. I was impressed by her knowledge of children's shoes. I guess you get used to dealing with people who know nothing and then when you deal with someone who knows their job it's like "holy shit! Why do I shop anywhere else?!" So she says Taylor has a long narrow foot (thanks daddy!) and that certain brands fit better. The adidas run big; so we 86 them. The stride rite fit well; but seem really big and bulky. We try on a pair of saucony and they are perfect! So, I buy them and she wears them out. She seems to walk well in them.
We continue shopping for awhile, then head to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Taylor, being cooped up in the stroller or carseat all day, is super exicted to be walking around the lobby and proceeds to run all over, surprisingly only knocking into or grazing a few people. At dinner, she ate bread, salad in bits, a little mashed potatoes (that she fed herself with her spoon!), and I attempted to give her a bite of my steak but she spit it out. Rylee totally gave me the "i told you so" look. It was funny; her "mom look" will be good. I try, but have no mom look. I am won over by her charm and smile and how everytime she does something wrong she follows it with a huge smile, tries to give me what it is she shouldn't have, or she giggles her fake sounding giggle.
It was a really busy day, lots of walking, talking, activity, social interraction. Perfect for us right after our hubby departures. Tomorrow, we have no plans and I plan on lounging around the house and possibly a picnic lunch at the park across the street if the sun decides it wants to come out. Poor Sadie was in the house all day 9-8 and while she did poop, she pooped again when I took her out and peed too. I didn't yell at her though, because she was in the house for a really long time today.
Oh! I forgot! We, on the way to lunch found a store called "the chocolate box" which was on the list of stops of the real cupcake crawl but I hadn't put it into our itinerary. So we went, and got some mini cupcakes. I got latte, espresso, peanut butter, chocolate, and some other one. It has pink frosting. I plan on giving Darina and her kids each a cupcake on Monday. Sabrina I got a raspberry lemonade one from Cupcake Royale. (LOL they even have a cupcake called a "royale with cheese". It's chocolate with cream cheese icing if you were wondering.) That chocolate box store was heaven. Rylee got a mini eclair. They had some crazy truffles and candy flavors, tons of boxed and bar chocolate. Chocolate EVERYTHING! I could live in there!!!
Well, my people magazine came (no muscle mustangs yet, sorry baby. I may have to pick up some magazines at the store to send to you) so I am going to go read it in bed with my comfy pants and a mini cupcake and a glass of milk.
Oh, and I got you the rubber things for your sunglasses. I'll send those too.
Wubba

Friday, August 7, 2009

8Aug2009- Day 1

Microcosm of each day: I sit down to start this blog, which I've been thinking about ALL day and have to stop to take the dog out because she's whining at me. Too bad for the cat, too. He just got cozy on the desk next to me...

Yesterday you left. I tried to make the beginning of the day feel like any other day. As if giving it some sort of special treatment, some extra attention or shared affection between us would tear me down just enough to leave me raw and weak and penetrable for the rest of the day. I tried to be strong. You asked why I hadn't talked about it at all. I feel like there's nothing else to say. I'm not angry with you for leaving, because you had no choice. I'm not scared of growing apart, because we've been here before. And we didn't grow away. We made a wubba and grew closer.
Grew different, older, more mature and responsible together. No longer are we young kids madly in love, making love all over the house with wreckless abandon. Drinking till we have to drive with one eye closed on the way home, and sleeping 3 hours then going to work the next day no longer seem enticing. We sneak together into her room when we go to bed, running to catch up with the other one...just to watch her sleep.
I think that is what I'll miss the most- the love that fills our home just from us loving on and watching her and each other with her. Cuddling in bed talking about the things she did today. Every day is brand new, precious, completely unique. I've decided that even every day without you should also be precious, unique and treasured. But, I don't want you to miss them. So I'll write to you. Maybe it will help me to cope with being alone at night. Maybe it will help me to deal with the quiet. When you are here, my head is loud. There are thoughts of what I need to get done, dinner to be cooked, plans to be made. When you leave, there is only me. (After 8pm anyway.)
I cleaned up all of your stuff laying around the house. I washed all your clothes. I don't want to erase you, but if I smell you, see your keys, your ten packs of tic tacs all over the dresser....it'll hurt. I feel like putting you away neatly in the house is like putting you away neatly in my heart and head to be safe and easy until you return. It isn't working so far, but I'll keep trying. And then when you come home and can't find anything, you'll know why I've moved it all to a bizarre spot in the house and won't be mad because I don't know where it is either.
I have to remind myself that part of being strong is learning how to let myself cry and miss you. And that it's ok if I do it a lot. Every day, or night, or both. I didn't want to cry too much while you were leaving because I didn't want to make it harder for you to leave. I knew it would be impossible to leave the wubba. I definitely get that. It's hard not to scoop her up when I go to bed and put her next to me in our bed. Maybe when it gets cold; she's a hot body like you. She can keep me warm. =)
She was dirtier than she's ever been in her whole life today when I picked her up from Darina's. The bottom of her socks even had food on them, and so much dirt you'd think she had walked through the mud all day. She ate sweet and sour chicken at Darina's. When I dropped her off she kept saying "hi baby!" and "baby" to the Darina's brother-in-law's wubba. It was adorable. She just loves her.
Tomorrow, Rylee and the Wubba and I are doing a Seattle Cupcake Crawl. I heard the idea on Movin' 92.5 on their 5 under $25 spot this morning. (where they tell you 5 things to do this weekend under $25). It's really an organized thing, but we are just doing our own thing. Cupcake eating at 7 places from 10:30 to 6pm is a little much for the Wubba. I've determined that every weekend we will do SOMETHING. We won't sit and waste away. It's part of my attempt to make this year remarkable. Maybe it will make a good book. Maybe it will be therapeutic.
Simba is freaking out. He's run outside twice or three times tonight. The rest of the night he has spent jumping up and trying to open the front door. Damn that lack of opposable thumbs. If only....and then freedom!
Sadie is. Her usual. No issues, and surprisingly not needy. She seems a little depressed without you here though. Very quiet, laying around the house. Eating a lot though. Weird.
On the front step, there was a brown paper bag with a flyer on it about a food drive this morning! Awesome timing! All I had to do was set all the non-perishable food out on the front step by 9am tomorrow (which I've done already; hope there's no raccoons!) and they'll come take the food.
Sabrina is still sick with her death plague. She's even staying home from work tomorrow. I invited them to the cupcake crawl; but alas, too sick. I'm supposed to get Delmo a carrot cake one and Sabrina "something fruity". How's that for vague? (Sidenote: Simba is in my lap, and leaving permanent scars on my knee from kneading it so hard!!! His purring is like a leg massage. I had to put a folded up apron on my knee because it hurts so bad! Of course, as soon as I do that he jumps off!) Monday is Simba's vet appointment, so I'll take him and then woman and I are having lunch. I'll take Taylor to Darina's for awhile though.
I feel less anxious. I feel like I got some of it out. This is therapeutic.
I love you. Goodnight for now.